I watched this TED X & it really resonated with me. You may have seen it, it's called 'The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*** by Sarah Knight (video below).
I feel that as human beings we have this natural desire, habit, tendency to want to please others. We have all been put in situations where we feel we 'should' do something for the fear that if we don't we will be judged or criticised. That's a normal, common fear - the fear of what others think. What will that person think or say if I don't do what they're asking of me? Maybe they'll talk about me behind my back? I really don't want to go to that event, I don't actually really like the people that are going. I can't afford to lend them money, and if I do I won't be able to pay my own bills. But you go anyway & you lend them money.
My question is; why do we do it in the first place? By saying yes to everything you may think this will make you feel accepted and be liked - and everyone likes to be liked. However more often than not this derives from a lack of self-worth. You look for the acceptance/validation from other people that you are enough, through the generous things you do for them, all the while crippling yourself and your own truth.
Just say no thank-you & don't explain yourself. That way you weren't rude and you've also been upfront and direct from the word GO. No one likes unreliable people do they? So don't say you'll go to that meaningless event if you don't want to just to save face in that moment, to later on have to come up with a believable excuse to get out of it. Why cause yourself the stress and waste yours & their time? No one respects a liar either.
You have to know something right now; the sooner you start practicing this habit (because yes it is a habit, and yes, habits take practice) the sooner you take control of your happiness and start living in a healthy way that pleases YOU - the most important person! Although it may feel scary at first thinking you might 'upset' or 'disappoint' someone - ask yourself this; What do I really want to do in this situation? What's your guy telling you? Then just be honest and see your decision through, with no excuses. You have to, and you are completely entitled to do what is best for you - financially, emotionally, physically & mentally.
If that makes you unpopular then so be it. What is most important is not what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. If it's not a HELL YES! - then it's a no. If it's something that you know will serve YOU. e.g. I know I must go for a run because I want to be fit & healthy. Or I know I must do some work on my blog instead on watching Black Mirror on Netflix all night (both me) then that's a whole different kettle on fish - and you should do these things - because guess what - they are to benefit YOU!
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Seus.