So part of growing as a person means doing the things that make you feel uncomfortable, pushing yourself and taking massive action, not when it's convenient or 'the time is right' but NOW. And the time for me is RIGHT NOW. In fact it has been for a long time but of course life's social obligations & ups and downs get it the way. But this is all just an excuse of course - which is why I've taken to Facebook Live & decided to share this journey in the most daunting and most public way that I could have, in order to hold myself accountable to the thing that I most want to achieve at this moment in time. I've decided for the very last time that my 'diet' is not going to be another 'diet' but my lifestyle - FIRST SHIFT IS IN THE WAY OF THINKING.
For me, I am naturally someone who loves being physical but for a very long time I've just had NO energy at all & have just accepted it. When you don't have energy, you aren't going to feel that buzz you need to in order to get shit done - to work on your passion, to make plans with your loved ones, to live a life full of new experiences & fulfilment. This along with other things has led me down the dark route of depression. Just wanting to be alone, not talk to anyone, be in bed, asleep - all the time. But at the same time as this having that internal contradictive battle because you know you can be better, but it all comes down to YOU. It's not something that simply goes away, at least not for me right now. But by doing what I am now, in writing this blog, being vulnerable to show my face on a screen LIVE, being open and honest about something I really want to achieve is number one SCARY - but more importantly the very thing I need to do for myself in order to get out of that dark place where it is just too easy to reside but concurrently paralyses and frustrates me to my core.
THIS IS WHY I'M DOING WHAT I'M DOING, IN THE WAY THAT I AM DOING IT. BECAUSE I HAVE TO, NOT BY CHOICE, BUT BY NECESSITY.